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Today I did something I haven’t done for a while…

Woman sitting on ledge thinking

Today I did something I haven’t done for a while – I stood on the bathroom scales and weighed myself.

I used to do this daily.

The number I saw on the scale would then influence my mood, what I ate, how much I exercised, how I dressed, what I thought of myself. In short – it would dictate whether I had a good day or a bad day.

What happened today? Looking down at the scales I noticed the numbers where a little different to the last time – “interesting”!

I looked in the mirror and I saw myself. I saw the body of a (nearly) 48-year-old woman. A woman who has carried, birthed, nourished and nurtured 3-children. A body that has been physically active for as long as its been alive. A physique that is strong, has run marathons, can do pull-ups, can deadlift more than it weighs. A scar that signifies the entrance to the world of baby #3.

A body that is starting to change as it transitions from child-bearing years through the years of peri-menopause to menopause and beyond. A frame that supports a family, encasing a heart that beats, lungs that breathe, and limbs that move.

A body that I am at peace with.

But it hasn’t always been that way.

There were years of fighting with my body. There were years of restriction, over-exercising, of not feeling thin enough. There was a great fear of getting fat, weighing more, of not being fit enough, of not being enough.

When I looked in the mirror then I only saw flaws – not tall enough, not busty enough, arms too muscly, too many veins, not enough curves, not a flat enough stomach…

And when I looked at the scales then, the number was much less than what it is today.

Weight does not equal health, or worthiness, or happiness.

Thin does not equal fit, or healthy, or happy.

Well-being and healthy habits are so much more important than the number on a scale. Living a fulfilling life is not dependent upon how you look, what you weigh or how young you stay.

I am heavier, happier and healthier now more than ever.