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Why Shopping for Clothes is my kryptonite

Dress shop window

How a coach can help you overcome your kryptonite

Kryptonite! We all have our own version of Superman’s kryptonite – something that exposes your ultimate weakness, fear, aversion, or a phobia.

What’s my kryptonite?

A – SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES!

Closely followed by…

B – ATTENDING A FANCY LADIES LUNCHEON

And I have done A to attend B this week. Just typing those phrases gives me a funny feeling in my stomach and makes me break out in a cold sweat.

Why? Because of the stories I tell myself whilst in the fitting room. You know the ones

“I can’t wear that, I’m 48, not 18!”
“I’m not tall enough to wear that length, I need at least another 10cm”
“That doesn’t suit me, I don’t have any boobs!”
“Black…my cupboard is full of black…matches the dark circles under my eyes though”
“Oh, crap heels too! No way I look like I’ve drunk a magnum of Moet at the races trying to walk in those killers”
“NOTHING FITS ME, NOTHING SUITS ME, I’M NOT GOING”

And the BIG story I tell myself…

Everyone else looks so glamorous and confident, and happy and comfortable in heels!

But, with the help of a wonderful shop assistant who immediately identified I was feeling the effects of kryptonite, I did find something whilst shopping today. She listened to my stories, asked me some great questions, gave me a few options, and steered me gently towards being able to make my own choices. I felt at ease, I felt supported, I felt empowered.

Change the scenario, and the truth of the matter is a LOT of women feel just like me. Let’s use going to the gym as an example.

Do these stories sound familiar?

“I can’t possibly run, everything jiggles”
“I’m too uncoordinated to do a class – everyone will look at me”
“I look so lumpy in activewear”
“I’m too unfit to go to the gym”
“I’m too old to start, and I don’t know what to do”.
“NOTHING FITS ME, I’M TOO UNFIT, I’M NOT GOING.”

And of course the old chestnut…everyone else looks so confident, fit, strong and like they know what they are doing.

But, just like the wonderful shop assistant coached me through my version of hell, a great health & fitness coach can help you overcome your kryptonite and inspire you to bring out your best. A good coach will help you feel at ease. Feel supported. Feel empowered.

Maybe I could be that coach for you. x

 

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Today I did something I haven’t done for a while…

Woman sitting on ledge thinking

Today I did something I haven’t done for a while – I stood on the bathroom scales and weighed myself.

I used to do this daily.

The number I saw on the scale would then influence my mood, what I ate, how much I exercised, how I dressed, what I thought of myself. In short – it would dictate whether I had a good day or a bad day.

What happened today? Looking down at the scales I noticed the numbers where a little different to the last time – “interesting”!

I looked in the mirror and I saw myself. I saw the body of a (nearly) 48-year-old woman. A woman who has carried, birthed, nourished and nurtured 3-children. A body that has been physically active for as long as its been alive. A physique that is strong, has run marathons, can do pull-ups, can deadlift more than it weighs. A scar that signifies the entrance to the world of baby #3.

A body that is starting to change as it transitions from child-bearing years through the years of peri-menopause to menopause and beyond. A frame that supports a family, encasing a heart that beats, lungs that breathe, and limbs that move.

A body that I am at peace with.

But it hasn’t always been that way.

There were years of fighting with my body. There were years of restriction, over-exercising, of not feeling thin enough. There was a great fear of getting fat, weighing more, of not being fit enough, of not being enough.

When I looked in the mirror then I only saw flaws – not tall enough, not busty enough, arms too muscly, too many veins, not enough curves, not a flat enough stomach…

And when I looked at the scales then, the number was much less than what it is today.

Weight does not equal health, or worthiness, or happiness.

Thin does not equal fit, or healthy, or happy.

Well-being and healthy habits are so much more important than the number on a scale. Living a fulfilling life is not dependent upon how you look, what you weigh or how young you stay.

I am heavier, happier and healthier now more than ever.

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Do you suffer from Decision Fatigue?

My 5-Top Tips to avoid Decision Fatigue

Decision fatigue. Heard of it? It’s that feeling of overwhelm that gradually builds up, to the point where if you have to make one more decision, for yourself or someone else, it may just tip you over the edge.

Let’s face it – life is one decision after the next. If you are a (recovering) perfectionist like me, trying to make the “right” decision whilst keeping everyone happy, reduces your capacity to make excellent choices when it really matters.

Personally, I have learnt that by trying to make the “right” decision about every logistical arrangement for the family, every group fitness session, every post on Facebook and every minute of my day is not only impossible and exhausting, but it leaves me mentally and emotionally drained to make great decisions about the things that matter the most.

I was sweating the small stuff!

So rather than trying to make the perfect decision, or not make a decision at all in case it’s the wrong one, I now try to make a choice that meets a basic standard of satisfaction, and then move on.

This is what I like to call “its good enough”. Decision made, move on.

In practice, this allows me to get more done because I’m not wasting precious time or energy on decisions that in the grand scheme of things, don’t really matter.

For example – So I didn’t get the best possible price for my new runners. Meh. Move on. So my choice of salmon at dinner didn’t look as tasty as the chicken my husband chose. Move on. So I didn’t correct the typo in the Facebook post before I pressed publish? Move on.

Here are my 5 top tips on how you can avoid “Decision Fatigue”

  1. Don’t fall into the comparison trap! Despite your best intentions, if you compare there will always be someone who made a better (cheaper, tastier, better looking, easier, quicker results etc) choice. Make the best decision you can with what you know and leave it at that. So your shoes cost $50 more than Sarah’s who bought them online, OK, move on, let it go.
  2. Limit your choices. I love the idea of a uniform. Why? It takes away the need to make a decision about what to wear each day. Steve Job’s was known to wear only blue jeans and either a black or white t-shirt to work every single day so he didn’t’ have to waste his energy each morning on deciding what to wear. By applying this principle to those things which aren’t really critical, will free up your time and brain space for the meaningful stuff. Long live activewear!
  3. Lower your bar or standard. This has possibly been one of the harder things for me to do, but also the one that has made the most difference. By lowering the decision-making bar to what is a ‘good enough’ choice rather than what is the perfect choice, has saved me hours of unproductive research, worry, and indecision. 80% is good enough.
  4. Make it irreversible. Some decisions we make, such as what to wear to work, are not going to change the course of history or damage your health if you simply make the decision and move on.But, if you make an open-ended decision by keeping your options open just in case you change your mind later, or hedge your bets, this will leave you wide open to constantly second-guessing yourself which is exhausting. Make a choice, stick to it, end of story.
  5. Be decisive despite your uncertainty. Hands up if you’ve let the fear of making a wrong decision stop you from making a right decision…or making any at all. Yep, my hand is UP. Of course, there are genuinely important decisions that we need to make throughout the course of life – and these are the ones we want to save our energy for. We have so much data, information and a plethora of possibilities at our disposal that if we analyse the small stuff for too long we miss out on living life and allow potential or opportunities pass us by.

Research has found, the most successful people don’t sweat small decisions and they don’t spend years analysing and researching the big ones. Instead, they make the best decision they can at that time with the available data. If the outcome is less than ideal, they pivot and move on. Delaying a decision at the time can seem like the safest thing to do, but can often be the riskiest.

What I’ve come to realise is that good enough is truly good enough. By letting go of the fear of making an imperfect decision I am no longer distracted from making great decisions about the things that matter the most in life. Living life, being in the moment, that’s what really matters x

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Change

“The Change”

Change is sometimes forced upon us. Menopause is a little like that. We don’t have any control over when it will happen, how long the transition will take, or what symptoms we will suffer. But just like paying taxes and dying, women will travel through perimenopause on the way to destination menopause. But what we do have control over, is how we react to and manage this change.

I am 47. It’s a little weird to see that number on paper, as it confirms that I am creeping ever closer to 50 and yet it doesn’t seem possible. I still feel 24 in my head, my body usually acts like a 30-year-old and my outlook on life remains young. Yet I can tell my body is changing. Although it’s been pretty smooth sailing up until now, I know bumpy seas may not be too far away…

Entering my forties was a breeze – in fact I was in better condition both physically and mentally than I was in my twenties. I felt awesome! The baby-making days were well and truly over (you can read about my Bump, Bubs & Beyond story here), I was running faster & further than ever (pic above is me running New York City marathon in 2011 age 41), lifting, jumping, studying, I started my own business, worked with a charity, managed an active family. Life was (and still is) good.

Then earlier this year, I started to notice a shift both physically and emotionally.

Physically I’m not bouncing back quite as quickly from training as I did 12 months ago. I need to include recovery, restorative activity and rest days regularly or I pay for it (hello sore back!). I’ve noticed a little “marshmallow” around my tummy and upper legs despite no deviation from my usual diet. And, I have days when I am completely s p e n t.

But I think it’s the emotional side that is most telling. In general, I’ve never really been too up & down with the monthly ebb & flow of hormones. Not any more –  I’m all OvEr the place!  Some days I’m clear headed, efficient, super productive, can handle anything that comes my way – good or bad. Other days I’m in a complete fog. Making a decision is stressful, being “on” and “up” for clients a real challenge, and trying to see the good in situations or people takes a lot of effort. My darling daughter tells me that there are times when my fuse is really, really short and I’m super grumpy mum! I also have days when I’d prefer to be by myself.

So, although I haven’t had it medically confirmed (blood tests next week) I’m pretty sure I’ve just taken a seat on the perimenopause train. This could be a quick express trip or stopping all stations. Either way, this is why I’ve started researching, questioning, listening and talking with other women about menopause. I want to know the facts that will help answer all the “why do I feel like this” questions I have. I want to find solutions and work out strategies so I can embrace this stage of life and see it as a positive experience. And I want to STAY STRONG, FIT & ACTIVE (in active wear) for a long time to come.

Women are brilliant at talking! Sometimes we just need a little kick start to get the conversation flowing, but when it does – BOOM! Let’s start this conversation about menopause. It (menopause) will happen so staying silent is not going to make it go away. Being a negative Norah (sorry Gran T x) about all the side effects will not make them feel any better. If we share our experiences, talk openly and honestly – without judgement – we can help each other through this stage and out the other side with our dignity, sanity and badass attitude intact!  Because guess what – we still have a whole lot of living to do.

If you’ve got a story to share, questions to ask, strategies that have worked for you, I’d love to hear from you. Please email me at jacqui@heartbodyandsoul.com.au  or join the closed Facebook Group I’ve created especially for all of the 40+ fabulous women of the Heart Body & Soul community.

All power to the badass ladies of Heart Body & Soul xx

 

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